| So, I kinda dun messed up my face... |
[Aug. 18th, 2009|09:48 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Parents' House | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | Injured | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Regina Spektor - Laughing With | ] | I was over on 8th and 6th yesterday on my bike, crossing the street, and a guy turned right and didn't see me due to the stupid bushes. The result (From top to bottom):
Bike front tire bent to hell Patch of skin removed from the tip of nose. Right nose piece of glasses jammed through the skin Cut leading down to- Big chunk out of upper right lip Half bit through upper right lip on the inside. Patch of skin removed from my chin Six inch scrape along left forearm Skinned right knee Heavily bruised left knee Bruised left heal.
It happened right in front of the police station, so the just kind of swarmed in. EMTs came, checked my vitals, asked if I wanted a [What is it, $300] ride to the hospital in an ambulance, then instantly left when I said no, without so much as handing me a bandage. I think I lost a decent amount of blood, since there was a big patch of it on the grass where I first sat down and a trail leading to where I got hit. It's kind of hard to talk now, so don't expect phone calls anytime soon. And I've got a limp in my left leg, so I probably won't be coming to town for a while. I'm just gonna chill here until I've healed a bit. I expect trying to eat will be an interesting endeavor. Really glad there's Jello in the fridge.
Edit: I forgot to mention, the guy was really nice and apologetic and gave me his shirt to stop the bleeding. So I can now say, "I got run over and all I got was this stupid T-shirt." Also, I was on my way to Vector, to meet chuck, so one of the cops gave me a ride. Totally the first time I've been in the back of a squad car O_o |
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| WoD Character #1: Koba Foxx (Starting) |
[Jul. 18th, 2009|01:36 am] |
Due to the Captain's incessant nagging, here it is. Hopefully the first of a long line. And what better way to start than my personal character. Most of the chronicles I've played in were part of a post-apocalyptic Gainesville setting that's been running for years, that started with several of my friends making characters that reflected themselves. Most of the people who've played in the setting have likewise continued the tradition and I'm no exception. So without further adieu, here ya go:

History and Development His Awakening As a sleeper, Koba was drawn to 3D design. His first exposure to magick was when he passed out on his laptop one night, after a long sleep deprived haze. When he woke up he's typed a strange code into the personal scripts input for his design program. Figuring, "What the hell. If it screws something up, I'll just delete it," he pressed enter. The first change he found was that one of the "Export" destinations was "My Room." It had a thumbnail image he'd never taken or seen before of, in fact, his room exactly as it currently was. A few minutes design and a click on that button later, he was the very confused owner of the shoddily made sword that appeared next to him, identical to the one on his screen.
[His avatar first manifested in the Technomantic form of a burst of inspiration. He Awakened with Prime 3, Matter 3 and initially used his computer as a focus to build "Platonic Ideal" patterns, and apply matter to them.]
His Early Awakened Life The recoded program quickly expanded and took over his entire laptop, integrating with his OS. His avatar took the form of an AI Kitsune-Kami embedded within the system. Seeking online for answers, he inevitably stumbled upon Virtual Adept sites and forums. After a description of his case, it was obvious he was Awakened, and they explained the "state of the world." Other Traditions, Technocracy scum, yada yada, the whole thing from their perspective. One VR equipment design-made-real later, he joined the ranks of the VAs.
He started Studying Correspondence and Entropy from the other VAs where he hung out on the Digital Web. He also started seeking out as much Prime Theory and info on Matter pattern magick as he could find. During external forays into the world, he started charting and mapping ley lines seeking out nodes. While learning the extent of his gift, his studies developed into a strange paradigm.
Paradigm At this point, he started to view the world as a collection of pattern “code” that could be read like any other. Basically, he found and began to understand the code that the universe was written in. At the beginning, he could only read and write the pattern code that had to do with matter. Prime, he saw as the base energy that powers the code.
His Masterpiece Work After realizing that he could create almost anything he wanted, what he really wanted was a computer. Not just any computer though, but one the likes of which had never been developed before. Something that could fill his every whim and shape ‘the Matrix” as he now jokingly called the Tellurian, better than before. He studied the latest in Nanotech from as many diverse sources as he could, even willing to discuss it with Technocrats, as long as they didn’t cause him any trouble. (He lost points over that one a bit with the VAs.)
Once he understood enough of the principals, he set about creating his own NanoColony. With his own body as a vessel, they laid down tech all over his body. Transceivers in his optic nerves let the system overlay his vision with the visuals of the system, including “sights” in the spheres he’d learned. The system linked directly with his brain, so it was mostly controlled by vague thoughts. More complex actions could be “typed” onto any available surface on a keyboard visual overlay, or through gestures. “Builder” bots could create new bots designed for new functions on the fly. With the new system, he could manipulate pattern code in 3D realtime, making it much faster and more adaptive. Plus, he had music plugged directly into his brain. You don’t get quality much better than that.
NanoColony CPU: The main system is located throughout his whole body. Any excess space is used for housing bots with functions for memory, or processing, or whatever else needs to be done. This was the first system to be made. Bots fused with nerves throughout his body provide the input for the system. All sensory and muscle nerves can be read or written to. Bots interface directly with his brain, providing most of the control of the system through thoughts. Naturally, there are a ton of safety measures in place. Backup groups for all main and periphery bots are kept throughout his body in case one fails. This is his main focus for his Prime. “Builder” Bots: The second type to be created, these bots are his focus for Matter. They can build, redistribute, and restructure matter on an atomic level, turning one material into another, and building new structures “out of thin air,” though, really, they’re just building it from scratch matter at an atomic level.
Preffered Effects Name: Copy/Paste (Rote) Spheres: Ma 3, Pr 3, Co 1 Description: Can copy Matter patterns into storage, and make copies of them later. Prime is used to read and save the pattern as a kind of blueprint, Matter is used to change scratch matter into the base materials and build the object, and Core is used to help make sure all components are the right size and scale to fit together. For large or complex objects, can be done as an extended roll. An advanced Builder colony in his backpack lowers the difficulty of Pasting things to the inside of it by 1. (For this reason, he calls it his “Bag of Infinite Holding” since it just happens to have whatever he needs.)
Name: Sight Overlay Spheres: All Description: The CPU can overlay his sight with the necessary Spheres through his optic nerves.
Name: Primal Virus Spheres: Pr 3 Description: Uploads a virus into a pattern. 2 HL/success agg.
Feedback and questions are always appreciated. |
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| My Muse Is Calling |
[Jul. 15th, 2009|12:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Parents' House | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | Inspired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Repo! the Genetic Opera - Chase The Morning | ] | As an outlet for my Muse, and to make sure I don’t say, “Hey, I’m going to be on LJ again!” and then never post, I’ve decided to post an Old World of Darkness character on here every week. Since I got the idea this morning in the wee hours of the night, I don’t have one ready to post quite yet, but I should have one within a week. The first few will probably be Mage: The Ascension characters since that’s what I know best, but I’ll eventually be posting some Werewolf: The Apocalypse, and Vampire: The Masquerade ones up. And probably more as I read more core books.
Once I get them up, if you’re interested I recommend checking the pages again after a while, since most of these characters will be growing as I write more for them. Questions are welcome, and feedback is appreciated! |
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| What A Long, Strange... You Know |
[Jul. 15th, 2009|12:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Parents' House | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | groggy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | TV On The Radio - Wolf Like Me | ] | Sooo…. Lot has happened since my last posts. I don’t feel like going through it all in detail, so I’ll summarize. Shortly after my last post, I took over Alex’s position at Whataburger, got a road bike for transport, and moved in with Nate. Got in much better shape from being too broke to eat and biking everywhere. Got fed up with all of my technology breaking on me and barely used my laptop for several months, not even bothering to keep up with web comics, email, LJ, dA, etc. Spent a couple months living very simply, and read the Chronicles of Amber and the Bhagavad-Gita. On May 31st, Whataburger closed down and my rent was due, so I ended up moving back in with my parents. Decided to become a hermit until the end of August and catch up on all the things I need to. I still come into town occasionally though, because it’s nine miles to Nate’s place, about 45 minutes to an hour for me on bike. I just recently got a Ball Python. She's 3 ft. long, and I names her 球(Tama), which is Japanese for "Ball." I’m enjoying nature out here, but soon I’ve got to find another job and give it another go in Gainesville.
Haha, it’s kind of a striped down summery, considering all the things that have happened the past few months (including Jacon!), but that’s pretty much the high and low of it. Technology wise, I’ve gone through some setbacks. My external crashed, taking with it all of my movies, anime, programs and backups, 480 gigs total. My laptop’s screen broke a few weeks ago, so I took it off and connected my laptop to and old CRT in a broken office chair at the end of my bed. Makes a surprisingly good desktop. I do, however have a Netbook coming today, so I should be mobile once more in a few. After that, I’ll probably be on a lot more.
Netbook: http://www.buy.com/prod/asus-epc1000-black-netbook-intel-atom-processor-n270-533mhz-1gb-ddr2/q/loc/101/211401745.html (Note: The N270 Atom is actually a 1.6 Ghz processor, this just has it listed wrong as 533 Mhz.)
http://foxytunes.com/artist/tv+on+the+radio/track/wolf+like+me |
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| *poof of smoke* I Return! |
[Jul. 15th, 2009|03:03 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Parents' House | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | Just rode nine miles... | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Expendables - Let Her Go | ] | It’s a long story of my last few months, so I’ll try to type it out tomorrow. I just wanted to point out that I’ve mostly caught up on reading my Friends list, and plan on returning to Livejournal. Hopefully I'll have enough time tomorrow to type it all.
P.S. - 1:45 AM: Left Nate's. 1:50 AM: Stopped to pet a Mole. 2:03 AM: Raced a rabbit.
http://foxytunes.com/artist/the+expendables/track/let+her+go |
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| Whelpday |
[Mar. 6th, 2009|02:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | ACLD | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | relaxed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Lady GaGa - Paparazzi | ] | So, it's been four years yesterday since I joined to Fandom. Spent the day helping Nate move and hanging out with Max and Scrobot. Stayed at Nate's place and hung out at the library for a few hours. I made the decision a while ago to make some character changes on this day, so I'll post a new ref up sometime. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 21st, 2009|09:58 pm] |
Bold Stuff's True General * I am 5'4 or shorter. * I think I'm ugly. * I have many scars. * I tan easily. * I wish my hair was a different color. * I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color. * I have a tattoo. * I am self-conscious about my appearance. * I have/had braces. * I wear glasses. * I'd get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free, scar-free. * I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger. * I have had more than two piercings. * I have had piercings in places besides my ears. * I have freckles. (Kinda, sorta.) Family/Home Life * I've sworn at my parents. * I've run away from home. * I've been kicked out of the house. (Close though.) * My biological parents are together. * I have a sibling less than one year old. * I want to have kids someday. * I have children. * I've lost a child. Embarrassment * I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation. (Except I wasn't embarassed.) * Disney movies still make me cry. Shut up. (Nah, the last videos that made me cry were the last three episodes of Wolf's Rain, when they slowly killed off all the main characters.) * I've snorted while laughing. * I've laughed so hard I've cried. * I've glued my hand to something. (Usually napkins when I'm trying to super-glue tiny, plastic, pieces back together.) * I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose. * I've had my trousers rip in public. (I still have those pants. I stitched them up and called them my DDR pants, because I ripped them while playing DDR in the mall. They were almost five years old then, and thread bare, and I ducked for a three arrow step.) Health * I've had stitches. * I've broken a bone. (Ankle Growth Plate, do to skateboarding.) * I've had my tonsils removed. * I've sat in a doctor's office with a friend. * I've had my wisdom teeth removed. * I've had serious surgery. * I've had chicken pox. Traveling * I've driven over 200 miles (1000km) in one day. * I've been on a plane. * I've been to North America. (US, and Canada) * I've been to Niagara Falls. * I've been to Asia. * I've been to Europe. * I've been to Africa. Experiences * I've been lost in my city. * I've seen a shooting star. * I've wished on a shooting star. * I've seen a meteor shower. * I've gone out in public in my pajamas. * I've pushed all the buttons in a lift. * I've been to a casino. * I've been skydiving. * I've gone skinny dipping. * I've played spin the bottle. * I've crashed a car. * I've been skiing. * I've been in a play. * I've met someone in person from the internet. * I've caught a snowflake on my tongue. * I've seen the northern lights. (Fuckin' Canada. Not being the right time of year when I spent two weeks canoing and camping. *grumbles*) * I've sat on a roof top at night. * I've played chicken. * I've seen the RHPS. * I've eaten sushi. * I've been snowboarding. Relationships * I'm single. * I'm in a relationship. * I'm available. * I'm engaged. * I'm married. * I've gone on a blind date. * I've been the dumpee more than the dumper. * I have a fear of abandonment * I've been divorced. * I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back. * I've told someone I loved them when I didn't. * I've told someone I didn't love them when I did. * I've kept something from a past relationship. Sexuality * I've had a crush on someone of the same gender. * I've kissed a member of the same gender. * I've had sex with someone of the opposite gender. * I've had sex with someone of the same gender. * I've had sex with more than one person at the same time. * I am a cuddler. * I've been kissed in the rain. * I've had sex outdoors. * I've hugged a stranger. * I have kissed a stranger. (Well, dose knowing him for a few hours count?) * I have had sex with a stranger. Honesty/crime * I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't. * I have lied to my parents about where I am. * I am keeping a secret from the world. * I've cheated while playing a video game. * I've cheated on a test. * I've driven through a red light. * I've been suspended from school. * I've witnessed a crime. * I've been in a fist fight. * I've been arrested. * I've shoplifted. Drugs/Alcohol * I've consumed alcohol. * I have/do smoked cigarettes. * I have/do smoked pot. * I regularly drink. * I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them. * I take cough medication when I'm not sick. * I've done hard drugs. * I've been addicted to an illegal substance. * I can't swallow pills. * I can swallow about five pills at a time no problem. Random * I can sing well. * I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant. * I open up to others too easily. * I watch the news. (I did when I filled this out a few years ago, but I don't want to see that anymore.) * I don't kill bugs. * I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for sake of being able to rhyme. * I fucking swear regularly. * I sing in the shower. * I am a morning person. (Was until a few months ago.) * I paid for my mobile phone ring tone. * I'm a snob about grammar. * I am a sports fanatic. * I play with my hair. (As of last week, yes.) * I have/had "x"s in my screen name. * I love being neat. * I love spam. * I've copied more than 30 cds in a day. * I bake well. * My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue. * I don't know how to shoot a gun. * I am in love with love. * I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS. * I laugh at my own jokes. * I eat fast food weekly. (Free lunch from a friend, Wendy's.) * I believe in ghosts. * I am online 24/7, even as an away message. * I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room. * I am really ticklish. * I love white chocolate. * I bite my nails. * I play video games. (Occasionally. World of Goo was the last one.) * I'm good at remembering faces. * I'm good at remembering names. * I'm good at remembering dates. * I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. * My answers are totally honest |
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| Streetlight Wednesday |
[Feb. 7th, 2009|12:26 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Parents' House | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Streetlight Manifesto - Moment of Silence | ] | I went to see Streetlight Manifesto at Common Grounds Wednesday. I had to BS my way out of Jewelry Design class early to make it there by almost nine, and doors opened at seven. Bri gave me a ride over there, then left. I met Chuck at the door to get his keys and put my stuff in his car, then lined up for tickets($14). So, yeah, turns out they were sold out. I borrowed a bouncer's cell and called Chuck and Bri to explain what happened, but Bri couldn't come pick me up so I just kind of stood at the door for a couple hours and listened to the openers while freezing my ass off. The bouncer that let me borrow her phone got me in as an employee's friend for $3 though, about ten minutes before Streetlight went on, so it all worked out. The concert wasn't one of the best I've been to, but still worth it.
PS- Also, Streetlight's lead singer is a bit of a dick O_o |
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| Lol, Meme |
[Nov. 3rd, 2008|10:25 am] |
Comment to this post and I'll:
a) Tell you why I friended you. b) Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc. c) Tell you something I like about you. d) Tell you a memory I have of you. e) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you. f) Tell you my favorite user pic of yours. g) in return, you must post this on your own lj. |
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| One Year Of Cons |
[Oct. 26th, 2008|11:11 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | My Parents' House | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Tim Mcgraw - My Next Thirty Years | ] | This weekend, one year ago, I went to my first con of any kind, Furloween '07. Spent the morning cramped into a tiny truck, meeting Roj and Dae, and being introduced to Scooter. Spent the night being a little nervous, but otherwise enjoying myself. Since then I've been to:
Furloween '07 Elliott's Winter Carnival '08 Megaplex '08 Elliott's Spring Gathering '08 Jacon '08 Elliott's Summer Celebration '08 Anime Fest Orlando '08 Elliott's Fall Festival '08 Next Weekend: Furloween '08
Haha, I've had highs and lows this year, but I've enjoyed it all the same. I've learned a ton and gotten some new hobbies, but fundamentally I've stayed the same. I've really started to settle into who I truly am, and I've made so many friends along the way. I have every intention to make every one of these cons again this year, and hopefully add a few more.
I don't really have time to go into detail, but Elliott's this weekend was awesomely fun. Thanks, everyone who made it that way! It's always nice to meet some new people and learn that one quick way to a furry's heart are Cloves cigarettes. One made six people very happy.
PS - You all just lost the game.
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I think Ill take a moment, to celebrate my age The ending of an era, and the turning of a page Now its time to focus in on where I go from here Lord have mercy on my next thirty years
My next thirty years I'm gonna have some fun Try to forget about all the crazy things I've done Maybe now I've conquered all my adolescent fears And I'll do it better in my next thirty years
My next thirty years I'm gonna settle all the scores Cry a little less, laugh a little more Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear Figure out just what I'm doing here In my next thirty years |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 13th, 2008|12:05 pm] |
Rules of the game:
- Choose a singer/band/group - Answer using ONLY titles of songs by that singer/band/group. - If readers can guess the band you get an internet cookie. (Except for youknowwho. Give someone else a chance. :P)
01. Are you male or female? We're All Dudes
02. Describe yourself. Sobriety Is A Serious Business And Business Isn't So Good
03. What do people feel when they're around you? Soundtrack Of My Life
04. How would you describe your previous relationship? The Ghosts Of Me And You
05. Describe your current relationship. Mostly Memories
06. Where would you want to be now? Bad Scene And A Basement Show
07. How do you feel about love? Hopeless Case
08. What's your life like? Malt Liquor Tastes Better When You've Got Problems
09. What would you ask for if you had only one wish? Your Love
10. Say something wise. Don't Fall Asleep On The Subway
11. What do you want to do/be in the future? Teenager In Love
12. Describe your home life. Escape From The A-Bomb House
13. What would your last words be? Look What Happened
14. Describe your car. She's Gonna Break Soon
15. Describe your style. Pez King
T-T This one makes me depressed.
PS - Hazzard, my Rich Text tab came back too. O_o Weird... |
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| Baaaaaah... |
[Oct. 8th, 2008|08:08 am] |
...d joke.
| My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul |
|---|
| knifejosh goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as a pirate! Arrr..... | | 2_gryphon tricks you! You get an eraser. | | adrienalexander tricks you! You get a used tissue. | | dae gives you 16 purple grape-flavoured jawbreakers. | | greatarcticwolf gives you 4 light blue tropical-flavoured gummy bats. | | jesus tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy! | | jouva tricks you! You get a rotten egg. | | jreqthek9 tricks you! You get a wad of paper. | | majime gives you 10 blue cherry-flavoured gumdrops. | | sesshysshewolf gives you 3 softly glowing passionfruit-flavoured pieces of bubblegum. | | tigris_angelus tricks you! You lose 7 pieces of candy! | | knifejosh ends up with 25 pieces of candy, an eraser, a used tissue, a rotten egg, and a wad of paper. | | Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern. |
Parts of this are scary accurate. O_o
On a side note, my psych professor is a dork T-T |
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| Bahhhhhhhh! |
[Sep. 22nd, 2008|08:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Bahhh! | ] | More memeage. I'm such a sheep.
</center> |
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| Me Meme |
[Sep. 19th, 2008|08:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | My Parents' House | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Richard The Warlock (Looking For Group) - Never Gonna Give You Up | ] | 1)Take a picture of yourself right now. 2)Don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair...just take a picture. 3)Post that picture with NO editing. (Resizing doesn't count.) 4)Post these instructions with your picture. 5)Link to your entry in a comment here.

6)Baaaaaaah. |
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| Suicide |
[Sep. 16th, 2008|10:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | My Parents' House | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Gary Jules - Mad World | ] | For the past couple of months I've been wanting to write about what I've been doing, but I haven't made the time to do it yet. Instead, you get a huge helping of emo.
I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot lately. It’s pretty pathetic, considering how good my life is compared to other- nay, most people’s lives are. In English a long time ago, we did a thing about suicide where we read a book about surviving it and did all kinds of prevention stuff. In that, it mentioned that apparently a lot of the teens that commit suicide are straight A students or popular athletes and no one can really explain why they did it. I guess it’s the same thing. I guess I’ll start with personal reasons and move outward, which is the opposite of what I figured I’d do.
Let’s start with emotions. Honestly, this isn’t really an emotional thing. Emotionally, I really don’t care if I live or die. I don’t cling to life at all, and if I knew it was my time I wouldn’t fight it. Day to day, I feel that there is really no reason for me to live. I don’t want to die, but I’ve never really wanted to live either. I spend my whole life going to class and partying. I go to class, because I know if I ever do have a reason to live, than I’ll need a degree to make it worth it. But the rest of my time is spent going to parties, concerts, etc, playing games, working on whatever little projects I feel like at the time, or just hanging out with my friends not doing anything really. But I don’t really enjoy these things. They basically just distract me from reality long enough to get through another day. Occasionally during those things I feel genuinely happy, but it’s so greatly outweighed by the rest of the time.
The truth is, I don’t think anything will make me actually happy. Money won’t do it. Money is only good for material things and material things will never make me happy. Think of the material thing that makes me the most happy, my laptop. Even if I buy the best laptop made, it would be no different than now, I just would be a little less bored with life. But not happy. $100,000,000 could fall into my lap this second, and nothing I could do with it would make me truly happy, it would just stave off the inevitable.
If not money, the thing that most people’s lives revolve around, won’t make me happy, than what other things might? Fame? I don’t want to be famous or recognized. I get nervous standing in front of a class, I sure as heel don’t want people from all over watching me. And even if I did want that, how would I accomplish it? I’m not actually good at anything. I was born talent less. I have all kinds of hobbies that I’ve worked at building my skill in, but I’d never come close to matching the work of someone with actual talent. Art is not something you can do without talent. Even math Math and Science require a talent of a sort, because you’re either good at them or not. And I’m not.
Love? I’ve given up on it. There’s not much more to say than that.
Last year, I went around asking people what their reason for life is. Almost no one could give me a solid answer. Most said something along the lines of “I want to be happy.” But what if that’s not an option?
Most of my thoughts aren’t emotional, they’re logical. By logic, if the bad outweighs the good, then life is truly a negative. The only question is, is it negative enough to overpower the negatives of suicide (see below.)
Lol, I just deleted about a page of rambling about humans being a virus so there’s really no way for my life to positively impact the world. In short, even if you devote your entire life to saving the world, you’ll never do as much good through your actions as you do bad through your presence. Most people understand this already though so there’s really no point in going into that much detail here. TL;DR
Negatives of suicide. There’s really only three I can think of. The major one with me is the actual act of dying. With today’s society, even though we have the technology to take a pill and fall asleep then die, getting such an easy death is considered evil and unnatural. So the options that are left are all painful. I’ve always had a low tolerance for pain, and it’s stopped me from killing myself before.
The second is those you leave behind. Even though suicide causes pain to the ones left behind, is it fair to be forced to live a miserable life just so their feelings aren’t hurt? The third is not having the chance for feeling better. When this is your life, there isn’t going to be some magic cure to make everything better.
When I gave my mom even a glimpse of how I felt, she said I should see a shrink and get on some sort of meds. But I don’t want to live in a drug induced stupor for the rest of my life, if they even work at all.
I guess the truth of this all is, I’m Peter Pan. I never want to grow up. Now when I spend my whole life partying and following my own ends, I’m just staving it off. What happens when I give that up? When I get a job and start working all the time just to live day to day? There’ll be no reason left to live.
Even if simply living was enough, I can’t even really do that. Between the fact that I can’t drive and the depression we’re in, there isn’t a chance in hell I’d be able to find a job. I turned in 25 applications and didn’t get a single call back. There’s no way to live without money, and there’s no real way to get money without a job. Which is kind of bad, since I can't take living in my parent's house much longer.
The entire world is going to hell in a hand basket. The economy is dieing all over the world, but it’s clear in America. This country is full of bureaucrats and hypocrites. I’d love to move somewhere else, but the whole world is like that. There’s nowhere to run now.
I don’t know what really prompted me to write this. I started with this huge meaningful thing and now I’m just left confused with a couple meaningless pages of whining. Half of what I wanted to say, I couldn’t put into words, and the rest came out as an illegible jumble. I’ve thought of suicide for most of my life, but the pain’s always stopped me. I truth, the suicide thing in English probably saved me, because otherwise I wouldn’t have read about the effects of ODing on Aspirin. It thins your blood so you bleed through that walls of your organs and you suffocate. A lot of times, you first drown in your own vomit. Not a pleasant thought. But I just don’t know what the future holds.
PS – If I ever actually do kill myself, I so want someone to post my obituary to /b/. Lol, An Hero. /b/tard to the end. |
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| Memes of the Moment |
[Aug. 24th, 2008|08:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | My Parents' House | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Missing Heart - Moonlight Shadow | ] |
The Blogalyser reveals... Your blog/web page text has an overall readability index of 11. This suggests that your writing style is conventional (to communicate well you should aim for a figure between 10 and 20).Your blog has 38 sentences per entry, which suggests your general message is distinguished by verbosity (writing for the web should be concise).
CHARACTER MATRIX | male |   | female |
| self |    | world |
| past |    | future |
Your text shows characteristics which are 53% male and 47% female (for more information see the Gender Genie). Looking at pronoun indicators, you write mainly about yourself, then the world in general and finally your social circle. Also, your writing focuses primarily on the present, next the past and lastly the future. </small> Find out what your blogging style is like!
Your result for The Sexuality Spectrum Test... Mostly Gay
You are mainly homosexual, but you have a few heterosexual qualities. You much prefer the same sex, but you have a mild interest in the opposite sex. While you would jump at the opportunity to screw someone of the same sex, you might be up for experimenting with members of the opposite sex if given the opportunity. If you are sexually inexperienced, you could shift on the spectrum at a later time depending on whether you have sexual encounters with the opposite sex and whether or not you like those encounters. Take The Sexuality Spectrum Test at HelloQuizzy |
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| Signature |
[Aug. 6th, 2008|05:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | My Parents' House | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Stephen Lynch - Little Tiny Moustache | ] | After a while of just signing in kana, I've finally chosen a kanji signature. Several in fact.
( Names )
Anyone who knows Japanese, please feel free to rip this apart as I have very little idea of what I'm doing. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 5th, 2008|09:35 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | My Parents' House | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | DJ Tiesto - Pirates of the Caribbean 2 (DJ Tiesto Remix) | ] |
Your Political Profile:
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Overall: 55% Conservative, 45% Liberal
Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal
Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal
Fiscal Issues: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal
Ethics: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal
Defense and Crime: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal
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O_o Maybe I'm more polar than I thought I was? |
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